Sibling Rivalry

MOM!! He's laughing at me!
MOM!! She won't share!
MOM!! He's copying me!
MOM!! She's touching my toys!

Sometimes, I just want to change my name to "Helga" and hope that they stop tattling to me about every little problem they encounter.  But I am partly to blame.  I have gotten way too involved in their issues on a daily basis, that they have come to me hoping that I will correct, lecture or put someone in time-out!


One of the foundational ideas that make Love and Logic® so appealing is that we need to truly empathize with our children's dilemmas, but not solve their problems for them.  Case in point.  My 5-year-old comes to me and says, "He is laughing at me.  I asked him to stop, but he keeps following me around and laughing at me."  What I want to say (but it's way too inappropriate) is, "Then punch him and laugh at him!"  I know - definitely inappropriate response.  So here's what I've been saying, as a consultant parent as described in the Love and Logic Parent® class:  "That is so frustrating.  Do you want to know what I would do?  If someone kept bothering me when I asked them to stop, I'd probably take a break from sharing my toys with them."


Then come the screams - from my 3-year-old instigator - because he knows that the power just shifted out of his hands and was handed over to my 5-year-old.  Did I have to yell, scream, make threats or lecture?  Nope.  My 5-year-old came to me wanting me to correct and punish his little brother.  Instead, I gave my son the best gift ever: the power to set his own limits.  He doesn't need me to set limits for him; but he knows I'm available to give him ideas for how to set limits when his boundaries are not being respected.