Root of Negative Responses

I'm not sure why this happens, but at some point in the parenting process, without even hearing the end of the child's question to us, we immediately answer, "No!"  Why is that?  What is it inside of us that wants to just cut them off before they even finish their thought?  I know for a fact that I would be appalled if any of my friends treated me that way or even if I heard someone speak to my child that way.  


One of the things that I've been contemplating is how to reframe that response.  Lately, I've caught myself several times spitting out the word no almost like a reflex response, and then having to backtrack and say, "Well, let me think about that."  What keeps us from even considering their requests?  For myself, I think I get tired of being pulled on, interrupted, spit on, demanded of, and so when they get that tone implying that I must do something for them or allow them to do something, my immediate response is "NO!"  But really, that response reveals that there is something in my heart that needs to be dealt with, a place deep inside of me where my own needs as a woman, as a living soul, have not been met and instead of being willing to look at and address them, I choose to project my frustration onto my children.  My sweet little darlings - whose job it is to ask a million questions (actually, the same question a million times over) - it is not their job to meet my needs.


I was listening to Joyce Meyer the other day, a talk she had recorded on living a life of contentment.  One issue that she spelled out so clearly is how we ask God for something and then instead of waiting for Him to meet that need, we expect people around us to do His job.  Which leads to further discontentment and disillusionment.  She also goes on to describe the issue of expectations.  She reiterates that while it isn't wrong to have expectations of those in our lives, expecting them to meet the needs that only God can meet is a huge mistake.  


I write about this as a reminder to myself that my children are not my emotional supports; they were not created to make me feel good about myself; they were not given to me to meet my deepest needs.  They need to focus on putting their dirty clothes in the hamper and their wet pull-ups in the trash - not the other way around (My 3-year-old is definitely making progress in this area, but we're still not quite there)!  Do we all get frustrated and blow it?  Of course!  I'm talking about willfully allowing ourselves as parents to respond negatively and put unrealistic expectations on our children without even considering the effect it has on them. Yes, they do demand more than I can ever give them, but that's their job.  It is my job to make sure that my emotional/physical needs are getting met elsewhere.  It is up to me to deal with the root issues of my heart that fan the flame of negative reactions toward my children and my spouse.  


And whether I like it or not, I am modeling behavior that will be mimicked.  It's up to me to stop a cycle of unhealthy responses and expectations of my children or willfully choose to pass these unhealthy responses down.