The Courage to Change

One of the hardest aspect of being a parent is watching and seeing all of my flaws emerge from my children's mouths and out of their behavior at times.  I think to myself, "Hmmmm....that is a really mean tone of voice.  I know where they got that from."  While I didn't set out to talk to my children with an irritable tone of voice or to yell at them out of pure exasperation at times, I am baffled at how easily and how quickly the yuck comes out of my mouth.  

Do I just say, "That's who I am - take it or leave it."  Or do I try to change?

For most parents, the obvious answer would be to try to change, because most of us have looked back on our childhoods with fondness and also a desire to make some things a little better for our own kids.  But how easy is changing?  Well for me, it's about as easy as getting all my children to cooperate and obey all day, every day, without whining, arguing or throwing a tantrum.  

I am a person who struggles with change, even though I desire it to the depths of my being.  I recently meditated on the verse, "Walk in the Spirit and you will not fulfill the lust of the flesh" (Galatians 5:16).  The key to this verse is walking in the Spirit.  What does that actually look like?  I wake up in the morning, purposing to read my Bible and pray for the wisdom and strength I need to not only survive, but to finish strongly.  I have often been discouraged that some of my worst days have come after some of my most treasured times with the Lord.  I have expressed this frustration to my husband, and he has very gently said, "Think of how much worse it would have been had you not spent the time with the Lord today."  

The other struggle in changing is that I am fooled to think that I have anything to do with it.  The verse doesn't say, "Try your hardest, will yourself to change and then smack yourself over and over again when you screw up and then maybe, you'll change."  It says nothing about my own effort.  It merely says to w-a-l-k in the Spirit.  Walk in the Spirit.  Walking in the Spirit means submitting my thoughts, desires and struggles to the One who made me this way.  He remembers that I am dust, He has said so. He just wants me - not my puny efforts at perfection or improvement.  Just me.  Then He will make the changes in me, one tiny baby step at a time.

Do I have the courage to change?  The real question is, Do I have the courage to let God change me?