Love and Logic stresses the fact that the more control we give our children through choices, the more control we actually end up having. It sounded backwards to me at first, too. However, here is the story of 3-year-old Evan.
Evan is full of life and personality. He enjoys life, playing and especially getting laughs from adults and kids alike. This same adorable child has another side to him. When limits are set that he doesn't like, his default response is to kick, scream, yell, slam doors and throw toys.
One day, his parents decided to focus on that issue alone. They began to tackle the issue of tantrums by giving choices. "Evan, you can choose to scream outside or stay inside calmly. If you can't choose, then we will help you make a choice."
With many choices like this one, Evan began to realize that he was in control of himself. The parents also realized that giving the choice to him freed them from the need to try to control him to act the way they wanted. They didn't like the tantrums, so they gave him the choice to continue his tantrum outside, away from their eyes and ears. He was in control of his own actions. The parents were in control by giving two choices that were beneficial to them either way.
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